IMAGES / AUDIO
Twitter.
Formerly CAKEBEEF.
Then I was a caveman.
Then I built myself a metal bird.
I publish Rosario Dawson Loves Me and SMAYARTZAYALWTIGAIAIK, which you should read.
I write about music on the internet.
Currently located in Seattle, WA.
j.m.valmassoi@gmail.com
Theme by nostrich.
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I made you a mixtape. Well, I made you a downloadable playlist with an accompanying “cover” which is pretty much the mixtape of the ’00s so quit your bitching.
I wanted it to be like a mixtape you would get from someone who was emotionally or mentally retarded from drug abuse but still kind of into you for one reason or another. Like if a meth bum brought you a bundle of mismatched flowers and flattened his thinning, greasy hair with a comb that only had ten or twelve teeth because he thought he might have a shot with you, and maybe his hipster nephew ironically gave him an HP laptop last Summer as some sort of quasi statement about capitalism or something (they never know why they’re doing things, not really) and it still had a bunch of music on it, only his poor misfiring neurons can’t discern genres, or the difference between hugging and hurting, and he doesn’t know that sex isn’t necessarily a part of love, or that he’s wet himself in anticipation.
You know, because you’re so pretty.
WE COULD BE SO HAPPY TOGETHER.
The Blenders - Don’t Fuck Around With Love
AC/DC - Let Me Put My Love Into You
Nice Face - A Minor Altercation
Restiform Bodies - A Pimp-Like God
Jason Forrest - My 36 Favorite Punk Songs
Buzzcocks - Love You More
Dinosaur Jr. - Show Me the Way
Des Ark - No More Fighting Cats, OK?
Wanda Jackson - Hard Headed Woman
Lou Christie - Lightnin’ Strikes
The pAper chAse - Now You’re Gonna Get It
Stunt Rock - i’m gonna fade this track out just like you did our relationship.
Muddy Waters - I Just Want To Make Love To You
Modest Mouse - Alone Down There
The Mountain Goats - See America Right
Foetus - Bedrock
Reverend Beat-Man - I Belong To You
Crystal Antlers - Andrew
Tobacco - Gross Magik
Tim Fite - Give Me Candy
Beck - Nicotine & Gravy
The Butthole Surfers - Who Was In My Room Last Night?
Man Man - Ice Dogs
Handsome Furs - Officer of Hearts
El-P - How To Serve Man
Shellac - Prayer To God
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All of your posted audio in one place, playing continuously. I will now turn your tumblr into my radio. I like this a lot.
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Dear New Foals Record,
You really let me down.
I wanted to like you, New Foals Record. I really did. In fact, I was just telling Stacey yesterday that prior to your release there was not a single Foals song I didn’t like immensely. Their debut LP, Antidotes, did not have a single bad song on it. In fact, it didn’t have any mediocre songs on it. It was, to borrow a little hip hop parlance, an end to end burner.
And all of the Antidotes b-sides, New Foals Record! They were just as good! Instantly recognizable as the work of a band who had obviously spent some time honing their sound, accented perfectly by Sitek’s roomy production and selective but effective use of the Antibalas horns. Oh, New Foals Record, those were good songs. They were versatile, danceable without being hackneyed, all notes and no chords, and just plain excellent bikeriding jams, every one.
And what have you got, New Foals Record? Huh?
A bunch of poorly produced yawners, a singer who doesn’t realize he can’t do ballads, one or two attempts at dance jams that sound like poop, no horns at all, an attempt at earnestness without anything to be earnest about and not one infectious melody! Even the songs that sound like Foals songs take five minutes to get there and even then they’re not nearly as good as the weakest bits of Antidotes.
You are garbage, New Foals Record. Go hang out with Bloc Party somewhere.
Total Life Forever? More like total poop for 68 minutes.
Sincerely,
Justin Valmassoi
Impasse Living Solutions, Ltd.
Chicago, IL 60613
Okay, it’s not THAT bad, but it definitely won’t be getting heavy iPod rotation, unlike Antidotes, which still makes its way into the headphones at pretty regular intervals.
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As I often do on days like this (what we call “shitty” days back home), I spent my afternoon making mixtapes which vaguely reflect the weather or my current mood (also “shitty”).
A click on that there picture will get you the following:
- Yeasayer - The Children
- Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffitti - Round & Round
- Tarheel Slim & Little Ann - It’s Too Late
- Constantines - Lizaveta
- Wye Oak - I Hope You Die
- Chromatics - I Want Your Love
- Q & Not U - Soft Pyramids
- Alias - Well Water Black (f. Why?)
- Low - Breaker
- Sixtoo - Jackals & Vipers In Envy Of Man Part 6
- Portishead - Seven Months
- Ben Davis - Time A Bind (f. Des Ark)
- Songs: Ohia - Almost Was Good Enough
- 90 Day Men - We Blame Chicago
- Calla - Fear Of Fireflies
- Sufjan Stevens - The Upper Peninsula
- Why? - These Hands
- RJD2 - Right Place, Wrong Time
- Blindboy - I Dream
- Restiform Bodies - Pick It Up, Drop It (Genghis Tron remix)
- Gayngs - Crystal Rope
- Speck Mountain - Twinlines
You know, for days like this.
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And because I really didn’t want to leave the house, here’s part two.
A click on this picture will get you:
- National Skyline - Karolina
- Radiohead - Talk Show Host
- Cat Power - Cross Bones Style
- Alias - Touringbrenpopsong
- Liars - Sailing To Byzantium
- Ben Davis - What Drifting Will Do
- Magnolia Electric Co. - Night Shift Lullaby
- Scott Matthew - Every Traveled Road
- Crystal Antlers - Andrew
- The Blood Group - The Long & Short Of It
- Broadcast - Illumination
- Themselves & Why? - Canada
- Doomtree - Carpe Diem
- 13 & God - Perfect Speed
- Controller.Controller - History
- Phantogram - Bloody Palms
- Hood - All The Negatives Have Been Erased
- Clipd Beaks - Blood
- Washed Out - Get Up
- National Skyline - Karolina II
- Retribution Gospel Choir - Bless Us All
Enjoy now, or save for the next dead grey sky with prevailing winds afternoon you happen to be awake for.
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Angus Andrew, Annie Clark and Beck in a room with Os Mutantes, playing INXS.
Thank you, Beck. Thank you very much for doing this.
[or they could disable the video an hour after I post it, thus rendering this entry obsolete.]
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Guitar goes duh nuh nuh nuh naaaah nah.
I was listening to Retribution Gospel Choir’s ‘Electric Guitar’ about 275 times and I was all like, “Man, I wish I had a bunch of marijuana right now.” Then I rubbed my nipples. But then I was all, “There is a certain guitar tone, or chord, or pedal effect, or something (wow, I need to learn how guitars work) that really tickles my fancy. Many songs I enjoy immensely have similar gee-tar noises, and wouldn’t it be nice if I put those songs in one spot.” So I did. Now if someone could do me a favor and listen to this mix then get back to me with what it is I’m into, that would really help me explain it to future readers. Thanks.
Spiritualized® - Do It All Over Again/Come Together [Evening Session Version]
AFCGT - Two Legged Dog
Thee Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra - I Built Myself A Metal Bird
Songs: Ohia - John Henry Split My Heart
Wye Oak - That I Do
Wire - Strange
Surfer Blood - Swim
The Constantines - Hyacinth Blues
The Afghan Whigs - Let Me Lie to You
Fiona Apple - I Want You (live)
WHY? - The Hollows
Man Or Astro Man? - Within One Universe There Are Millions
Shipping news - Wax Museum
Psychic Ills - January Rain
Ostinato - Majestic
Pink Mountaintops - Closer To Heaven
Mission of Burma - That’s When I Reach for My Revolver
Retribution Gospel Choir - Electric Guitar
The Dutchess & The Duke - I Am Just a Ghost
[As usual, they will load in whatever order they please. You can rearrange them as I have done or decide which way suits you best. I like them this way, but I also prefer it when women have that little Dorito chip of pubic hair which I know is not the standard thing so maybe my taste or judgement is off. It’s really up to you.]
