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Formerly CAKEBEEF.
Then I was a caveman.
Then I built myself a metal bird.

I publish Rosario Dawson Loves Me and SMAYARTZAYALWTIGAIAIK, which you should read.

I write about music on the internet.

Currently located in Seattle, WA.

j.m.valmassoi@gmail.com

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30th April 2010

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In response to whatever stupid men’s magazine’s list of jacked up hooskers they tried to pass off as 2010’s “hottest women” I perused last night*, I must respectfully say, “Hell no.” Example #1 here, who we colloquially know and love as Scarlett Johansson, remains utterly and unequivocably unfuckwithable. I don’t suppose I need to point out that Christina Hendricks and Kim Kardashian are still alive as well. Sienna Miller?  Eva Mendes?  Charlize Theron? You can’t just ignore the facts, man.  You certainly can’t put goddamned Kristin Stewart, who has Down’s Syndrome, or Megan Fox, the most blatant misnomer in Hollywood, on a list like that and expect it to go unnoticed. I mean, come on.  We weren’t born yesterday. * It was FHM. I looked it up. FHM has some baaaaaaad taste.

In response to whatever stupid men’s magazine’s list of jacked up hooskers they tried to pass off as 2010’s “hottest women” I perused last night*, I must respectfully say, “Hell no.”

Example #1 here, who we colloquially know and love as Scarlett Johansson, remains utterly and unequivocably unfuckwithable.

I don’t suppose I need to point out that Christina Hendricks and Kim Kardashian are still alive as well.

Sienna Miller?  Eva Mendes?  Charlize Theron?

You can’t just ignore the facts, man.  You certainly can’t put goddamned Kristin Stewart, who has Down’s Syndrome, or Megan Fox, the most blatant misnomer in Hollywood, on a list like that and expect it to go unnoticed.

I mean, come on.  We weren’t born yesterday.



* It was FHM. I looked it up. FHM has some baaaaaaad taste.